Everyone seeks happiness. Some believe that they ‘should’ be happy all the time. Is that possible?
We are taught to believe that we ‘should’ be happy all the time, and yet no one can be joyful forever. Children often erroneously learn that not being happy or experiencing negative emotions is a problem, this further increases their distress. Let us understand that unhappiness is normal and it's alright to be "OK".
Humans are not designed to be happy all the time. Instead, we are designed to survive and reproduce. These are difficult challenges. So, we have to strive, seek contentment and security, fend off threats, and avoid pain as we encounter the ups and downs on our journey. Hence, myriad emotions originating from the coexistence of pleasure and pain is more real than the unattainable state of endless bliss.
Also, according to psychology, we have a "negative bias." A natural tendency to remember and value negative experiences more than positive ones. Our survival instincts have wired our brains to be wary of evil and obsessed with threats. Undesirable emotions generally require more thought and information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones, so we start thinking about them and internalizing them. Have you observed that your negative emotions, painful memories, hurtful feedback and bad impressions tend to have a lasting impact and occupy your thoughts till you consciously try to control them?
It is completely normal to feel unhappy from time to time. It happens to everyone. In fact, believing that any degree of pain is abnormal or pathological is illogical. Research shows that positive and negative emotions coexist in the brain, but sustained happiness has no biological basis.
Our emotions, like everything else in our lives, are mixed, impure, chaotic, confusing, and sometimes contradictory. Our lives are made up of emotions, from the happiest moments of delight to the darkest moments of despair and everything in between.
The normal ups and downs, the averages, are an unavoidable part of life. It is unnatural to expect only happiness and deny anything else. Temporary dissatisfaction is not a defect that needs to be addressed urgently. This fluctuation is innately humane.
Thus, believing that we should all be happy, or that happiness is an end in itself, is irrational. Happiness is the state of mind you need to adopt and constantly work on. It needs effort and awareness to accept failures, practise gratitude, develop coping strategies to beat the blues and know what we can or cannot control. Practising unconditional acceptance of self, others and life is also highly effective.
Thus, it helps to remember that the real secret to happiness is realizing we’re not supposed to be happy all of the time. Looking forward to have your views on this in the comments.
