Are you in the driver seat or the passenger seat of your life? Can you get yourself back on track after a hurdle or do you blame others and your fate? or wait for miracles to happen.
The principle, Locus of Control, was coined by Julian Rotter in 1954. It is a continuous scale representing human tendency to believe that their life’s control resides internally within them, or externally with others or the situation.
Where do you see yourself on the above scale?
People with a high internal locus of control believe in their own ability to control themselves and influence the world around them. They see their future as being in their own hands and believe that their own choices lead them to either success or failure. While those with a high external locus of control believe that control over events and what other people do is them, and that they personally have little or no control over such things. Ideally, one should strive to maintain a balanced state leaning to a more internal locus.
Early on in life, I learnt the paybacks of shifting my locus of control from external to internal. I learnt that I could become the sole in-charge of my happiness and wellbeing. Kids, know that no one can provide you with free tickets to endless joy and opportunities. The only charge we can take in our life is for ourselves.
Know that everything you are today is based on your past choices. Your triumphs and trials are not due to your parents, your friends, the school or the economy. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period. I know you might have heard this innumerable times and it might not seem real or easy to you. But, believe me, you are the only one who can make a real difference to yourself!
Whatever be the situation, we can choose:
How we respond
What we think and believe
Our interpretations and perceptions of events
To regain our happy state, come what may
What to focus our attention on
Memories to retain or let go
To control our emotions and feelings
Expectations from ourselves
To love and take care of ourselves, in and out
Yes, life is generally a struggle. Tiffs with friends, disagreements with parents, study pressure, uncertainties and expectations. But despite the outside weather, we can still mindfully choose happiness. Of course, that’s easier said than done. But I’m just making sure you’re aware that it’s possible.
Let’s see how we can develop a more balanced internal locus of control.
A reality check always helps. Assess the consequences of your choice. Know your behavioural tendencies, strengths and weaknesses. Stepping outside of the present frame of mind also gives one a clearer perspective.
It is very important to be aware what we can and cannot control. You can never control or change how others think, feel or act or their perceptions of you, but you can control your response. Remember, you alone get to choose what matters and what doesn’t.
The power of belief cannot be over emphasized. Do read my blog on beliefs for tips to believe that YOU CAN!
The more empowered we become in life will be determined by how much responsibility we take for ourselves. The empowered mindset is one that is more internally locused, where we have taken full responsibility for ourselves, our imperfections and our setbacks. We have developed a sense of self-evaluation and self-critic enabling us to know our capabilities. Such awareness brings humility and clarity of direction.
This too will pass! Sometimes letting go of something is wise. When tides are high, we may have to wait patiently and lie low.
To make a wise and beneficial choice, we need to be aware of our thoughts, behaviour and choices. Start by practising a mindful minute.
Act it till you make it and you become it. Try giving a big smile, a loud laugh and a tight hug to yourself. Watch your emotions change when you strike a power pose.
Connect with others and share. Our loved ones do influence us. Get inspiration from role-models having a well-developed internal locus of control.
This is a vital life skill, my dear students. I hope you all achieve a consistent life-balance, leading to a more engaged, empowered and emotionally responsible state.
You may contact me on this blog and we can have sessions where we can work towards a more empowered state.
